Every Cloud Has It's Silver Lining

After losing Sky I was down and so negative that I could take over from the devil and rule the undead. My sight went from wide and positive to dark and narrow...all I saw was my grieve and my loss...

She was just a dog is what I was told, BUT NO! Yes I did not give her half of the attention other paw owners give theirs but I knew what I had in her and I disappointed her and maybe that is why I feel the way I feel...I do not know but what I do know is...it hurts!

So with all this in my mind and our struggling time still getting the best of us as a family we had a 8th birthday on the 15th (yesterday). Rubz was looking forward to his 'Big 8' for so long and yet I was unable to provide even a birthday cake...its pathetic but yes what can I say - I can blame every one else but it will not change anything.

However our bad day ended up being the best day ever! The best gift he was able to get was his baby brother walking to him first on his birthday!!! It was the best moment ever! I wish I was able to record that first steps to his brother but I was unable to but I was able to get him on camera walking to his father a few minutes later.

Baby Evi loves his big brother and the 2 of them has already been a handful. All Rubz wants is his brother to walk and run so that they can play and run around and now that is all I want...the only thing that was able to give my son a happy though or happy memory! 

I do not think any of us will be able to make any other birthday for Rubz more special then the one he had yesterday - His words was: 'breath, just breath. Ma did you see that, he came to me!' He was proud to be the one Evi choose to go to!

I know no matter what happens, life happens, and things happens for a reason, but sometimes, I just wish we had more control, and more impact, and was allowed to have what we might not need, but what would make our lives a bitt better. 

I do not see myself as a selfish person but every now and then I wish I was!