Full of Doubt

So many things are currently going through my mind as I rock Evi to sleep...What should I write, what will I and the kids be doing tomorrow as its hubbies working weekend yet again, I am thinking about my tumble dryer switching off by itself and my washing that needs to be dried. The cat lying on the top of the couch and wondering where his sister is in this cold rainy weather. 

With the music playing in the background, I try to switch off and just breathe and listen and take in the music so that Evi can fall asleep and then I can go on with doing whatever I think still needs to be done at 21:46 at night. 

Evi is not a difficult baby but if mommy does not relax and calm down, he won't relax. He never wants mommy to leave his sight and is at his happiest in my arms in the rocking chair with music playing in the background. I need a cup of tea or coffee but relaxing does not come easy. 

Sitting in one spot brings on thoughts of anger and doubts.

I thought I knew my purpose in life and felt like I was doing something right only to find myself alone and in a land where the vultures are waiting for my next bad move, to a spot where I am a nobody!

I worry if I am a good enough mother for my children, will I make the right decisions for them to have a better future. But someone told me I must be a good mom because a bad mom won't worry about being a good mom.