Tired Mom

I've reached a point where I truly can say - no more! 

I am beyond tired. 

I am beyond irritated. 

I am beyond depressed. 

I am beyond hopeless. 

I am beyond saving.

Our lives have changed a lot I get it. I have placed my kids in so many situations where they had to find themselves again and get comfortable in their bodies and space that them being a bit too touchy...I get it. Being a bit too moody...I get it. Being irritated with each other and me...I get it.

BUT gosh man, when is it going to stop?

We are four humans in the same space 24/7 so yes I expect us to get irritated, moody, and all those things that come along but gosh - give me as the mom a break!

All four of us are emotional human beings that are too sensitive and sometimes a Karin! My kids are outspoken and most times do not think properly before they speak which makes things worse when it comes to me…I am not outspoken and I sadly take what you say and how you say it into consideration so when you apologize after you see my reaction believe me I do not accept it as your body language says way more than you intend me to see and hear and that is something I struggle to teach my kids. I know they will learn things as they get older and when they go through trials to teach them these kinds of things but who better to learn from than your mother who is sitting with you 24/7, 365 days a year…?

I’ve tried multiple things to get us all to be in the same space and respect each other but more often I find us back in the ditch…deeper than before.

I feel at times that I will only be missed due to everyone‘s convenience of having me around...I make food, I make coffee/tea. I clean, I look after baby Evan, I do the laundry, I wake up and sit up with baby Evan, I help with the homeschooling, I make sure things that will be asked for or that’s needed are there or is nearby...everything is me!

No one is learning from my experience or listening to what I am saying or striving toward what is better so why am I here?

All I want is kids that will end up better than me and their father. Human beings that will care for others and strive to be more successful and empowered than we are! I mean, wow – am I asking for too much?

I have never felt the way I am feeling now…honestly, I worked for a huge community that was way more demanding than my kids, that was going on sometimes about way more petty things than what my kids are…and yes I did end up in a bad space but I mean I have done and coped with more than this and survived, yet here I sit…I am defeated!

I truly love my kids but I can truly say being at home with them 24/7, 365 days a year - yes, it will break any human being!